Wednesday, April 18, 2012

What is your fitness level and where do you want to go with it?

So I've been sticking to my usual workout routine at home and am SLOWLY seeing results, shall we say...I've heard that you need to change up your workouts so that you "confuse" your muscles into constantly changing.  How often to do this, I'm not sure...I work out my muscles as hard as I have the time to, 2x a week.  I'm usually sore in some particular muscle area, so I feel good about that.  I take a protein supplement after I workout to feed my muscles, as well.  You might ask, if I want to see quicker results, why not head over to a gym where they have machines, cardio classes, etc.?  But I find its just easier with my schedule with my kids to stay at home for now.

It seems like the latest craze in fitness is the "in-home" fitness programs, anyway.  I mean, we've all seen the infamous infomercials on weight-loss, in-home fitness programs, etc.  It can be a little overwhelming trying to decide what will be best for my individual needs and what will give me the best product for my money!

Back in the day I got into the whole Tae-Bo fitness craze and it did help after I had my first son, to lose some weight and feel better about myself, but I didn't see the muscle definition that I am aiming for now.  Sure there is a whole library of Tae-Bo stuff to get into, but frankly I got overwhelmed by all of the choices I had and which workout I would even benefit from.  So I just decided to look for other ways of taking my fitness level up a notch.

I came across a type of circuit training that I tried out, and it was great for a couple of months, but then I found my resistance was quickly above what the program would be able to offer, so I have continued on with my search for the perfect system, both to get stronger, lose unnecessary fat,  and obtain more muscle definition.

The Beachbody system is a company that develops all kinds of innovative products and fitness programs for home use, I had heard about the original P90x system, several times, which is one of their amazing fitness programs .  I never bought into it because I felt like I wasn't ready to take it on.  But the more I work out and get stronger, I know that because P90x has been in the back of my mind, it will probably be the system I go with next.

I like how they easily categorize their workout systems as separate entities.  Take, for example, The Body Beast Workout.  This is a workout system that is currently in development so its not even available to the public, YET.  Take one look at this website and you'll see that it is very simple in the way it is presented in that you KNOW if this is the right fitness level workout for you...and I'm pretty sure I know I am NOT that person yet, lol!!  But for those fitness buffs out there who want to take their training to the next level, the way that this program is put together makes it very clear as to what it can offer to whom, and you don't have to wonder if its the right level for you or not, its just obvious!

Along with this new innovative workout, the Body Beast, I was introduced to something that would make it possible to take the P90x workouts along with me, EVERYWHERE, ANYTIME. The P90x app for the iPhone.  Whaaaat?! Seriously, this has got to be one of the coolest ideas for the iPhone that I have seen.  To be able to have access to this workout when you're not at home with a tv/dvd system in front of you to work with, it makes sense to have this app if you're serious about sticking with this workout system.  I know when I have gone out of town and wanted to stick with whatever program I was on at the time, it would have been so helpful to have something like this available so I wasn't trying to figure out which move to do next or if I missed something.  So I am just excited about this and think it truly is ingenious and innovative.

From my previous posts you will see that I am into cleansing my body and staying on track with staying healthy by doing this very thing.  I know there is a lot of conflicting evidence about whether or not cleansing actually does any good, but I really don't see how it could be contrary to being a positive experience unless you're not following a tried and tested, safe program.  That is why I wanted to include the Ultimate Reset Cleanse in this post, because anytime I see a fitness program include some kind of cleansing system, I take them seriously in knowing what they are doing as far as doing the best for your body, in all aspects of their fitness education.  I know from cleansing, personally, I do notice a difference in how I feel and we would all be smart to do some sort of cleansing system periodically.  The fact that P90x can have a whole system of fitness programs to suit everyone's needs, including cleansing for better health, I'm all for it!!

So in researching the P90x system and all that they have to offer, I feel like its worth the investment in the way that they incorporate a cleansing system, along with the original P90x workout program, the iPhone app (AWESOME!!!), and this new Body Beast that hasn't even been released yet...its makes it possible to get results at home and you don't have 50 different dvd's you need to try and choose from.  They are put together in easy to understand programs and so you know what or will not work for you at your current fitness level... and for me, that is definitely doable!

I want to ask any of my readers and friends, if you've used the P90x system and what kind of results you've had?  Would you use any of these new products and fitness programs to further your results?  What do you think of the information from the links I have provided?  I'd love to know because I would love to help get the word out about these new programs that P90x offers, I think they truly are one of the great innovators of the in-home fitness and exercise programs available!!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Re-learning how to love myself...with or without abs!

My last post was over a month ago, but then again I only have 1 follower so I figure nobody is waiting on the edge of their seats for my next post, lol!  I have gotten into reading, or rather, reading and finishing a WHOLE BOOK and I found that I really love and have missed reading!  I find that I enjoy expanding my mind with self-help books, and love the way I can escape reality into a good fiction book (uh-hemm, HUNGER GAMES) and bring the story to life by creating the images in my own mind.  I refused to go and see the Hunger Games movie without reading the book, and my 6th grader had already beaten me to it so I figured I wasn't going to make excuses and READ the DANG BOOK!  It was awesome AND addicting...hmmm, seems I have an addictive-like personality; better a book than chocolate, right?!?

So after I finished the first Hunger Games book, I was waiting for my son to get his hands on the 2nd book from his school library, and decided that since I was on a roll with reading, I may as well dust off one of the books up in my closet and keep up with the momentum.  I grabbed a self-help book titled "Remembering Wholeness", by Carol Tuttle.  So that book led me into "You Can Heal Your Life", by Louise Hay; and then naturally right into Wayne Dyer (who I admire and hope to find the spiritual peace and balance such as he has someday).  And within all of the soul-searching and digging into my past and my pain, I realize that my binge-eating of sweets has more to do with the emotional and psychological aspect of an addiction that just the fact that I can't just say NO when its right in front of my face.

I am learning that I need to learn to love myself NOW, not when I do have a 6-pack ;)  So I have been working really hard, EVERY DAY, to forgive, to love myself, to meditate, to repeat affirmations over and over again until I feel like I'm going to lose my mind, and then go to bed at night imagining the life I desire to experience as I move forward into my future.

There are days when I figure it would be easier to just continue on loathing myself and putting myself down, but I DO NOT plan on going back to that place in my mind.  It feels SO GOOD, to FEEL GOOD!  I'm talking about that high-on-life kinda feeling, that no drug in the world (that I'm ever willing to try) could make me feel!  Realizing that I'm going to attract that which I AM, and who I AM, was not who I wanted to be, keeps me moving forward and focusing on my ultimate goal of learning to love myself, and to stop beating myself up if I do have a dessert...or TWO, or eat too much Easter candy, lol!

I exercise 4-5 days a week and have a pretty good schedule down right now.  Monday-Friday, sometimes I skip one day, I'll do 30 minutes of cardio and usually out of those cardio days, I do Peak 8 exercises which you can research more about it from the link I included here.  I don't use an elliptical but have a manual treadmill so I am able to change the speed really quick so I can increase and decrease my speed without having to wait for the digital speed to go down that are on more expensive types of machines.  Guess I lucked out with the cheapie I got 12 years ago ;) I also try to do ab work everyday if I can, as I've heard you can work out ab muscles everyday, unlike other muscles which need time to break down, build up and repair to get proper results.

Then on Tuesday and Friday I add weight resistance training into my cardio sesh and I work out all of my muscles as hard as I can.  For now I am getting pretty good results, but I know I will get to the point where I will need something a lot more exerting and powerful so I've thought about incorporating P90x into my routine.

So while I am staying on top of exercising to feel good, stay strong and feel healthy and confident, I will continue on my search to truly love myself and love my abs that I know are in there somewhere and I'm pushing them to come out and little bit and show themselves.  For now I'm still eating Easter candy as I've gotten into another one of my sugar binges, but I'm confident that as I continue on with my personal journey of finding myself and truly loving myself for who I am, the abs will be there looking back at me in the mirror :)

Monday, March 5, 2012

Death by cheesecake...NUTELLA cheesecake, that is...

So I am going to start my monthly, soon...and I always crave chocolate~ I can't get enough of it, it feels!!  So yesterday, NIGHT, that is, I decide I need a fix and the only chocolately thing available in my house is convenient, right??  I mean the only reason it's here in the first place is because I'm the one that BUYS IT!!!  So when people say, "just don't buy the stuff", they obviously have never had a love affair with the "stuff" :)

Well, it's Monday morning and I'm supposed to get back into my exercise routine...but decide to pull out the nutella cheesecake bars that I made last night...they did have to settle overnight so I had to try them to make sure they turned out alright, haha! 

Well they were yummylicious and I should have known...because once I start, I can't stop eating my dessert of choice!!  What the hell is wrong with me, I ask myself??!  But I know that a lot of people have a weakness for their favorite dessert or treat and do the same thing...but I feel like I get into these tailspins where I'm totally out of control and keep stuffing myself till I'm sick.  I really have a palate for good food...whether that be an appetizer, a salad, main course, or a dessert.  So I don't go around bar-hopping at all of the fast-food restaurants around, I absolutely HATE fast food.  But it seems that the richer the dessert, the more I can't seem to get enough of it...

And today I feel unloved and sad, so the dessert keeps filling up that empty bucket, but then I feel guilty about doing it and feel even worse...when and how did I ever get like this?!?  I've only become a binge eater over the last 8 years, since I had my 3rd baby.  I wasn't like this before and I don't know what triggered it.  I wish I could be one of those that CAN'T eat when they're sad or feeling unloved...lately I've been looking at all of the beautiful women out there in the world and realizing that I will NEVER look like them, never be

I've always had issues with my body and how I looked and what I wish I looked like, instead.  I have done some crash dieting, thinking that this will get me back into my focus of getting in shape and staying on track.  But then I revert backwards due to my emotions and how I'm feeling INSIDE. 

Lately I've been noticing all of the beautiful women in the world and how I'll never look like, even come CLOSE to looking like them...wishing I was womanly and voluputous and had sex appeal oozing right out of me!  But I feel like a teenage girl, going through that awkward stage, but reliving it over and over and over again...only thing worse is that I am AGING like a 34-year old.  So take the fact that I resemble a teenager (and I'm not talking about those hot teenage girls that walked the halls of the school) and then add in the aging like a "woman" that I am, and I think I'm really struggling with coming to these terms about myself!  I'm sure a lot of women feel this way, but sometimes I definitely feel very alone on the subject. 

I've heard that if you love yourself on the inside, your outside will reflect those feelings.  So I go through bouts of binge-eating and punishing myself, and then I realize I need to stop the insanity and quit eating myself into oblivion, and get back on I feel like my secret of binge-eating is just that:  a secret that I let out to others and allowing myself to gain just enough weight where I notice what I'm doing to myself.  Then I get embarassed and ashamed of myself and realize I need to eat better and lose the weight because people won't like me as much and won't find me as beautiful if I'm carrying the extra weight around. 

I know I drive the hubby nuts because of my yo-yo-ing, especially when I've spent a few hundred dollars over the last few years trying to tame that beast that lives inside of me.  I always think I've tamed it, and then it unleashes itself, again.  If I was TRULY HAPPY inside, I know that beast would disappear, as well. 

So I am still going to exercise today and try to make a better day of eating right even though I bombed with that at breakfast time.  Just wanna be loved, but I have the love of my children and usually from my husband, but I can't help to feel that sadness inside sometimes...I don't really know where it stems from, but it must have been festering in there since my birth. 

I'm no better than any other kind of addict, I might actually be worse!  I'm not the kind of addict who can't function in real life because I'm beligerantly drunk or stoned or strung-out on some kind of's FOOD that is my poison, sugary food, that is.  And I don't know when this is going to stop; I obviously don't have the willpower to do it.  I obviously don't want to look like I claim I want to look bad enough or I'd be there already.  I'm glad I don't have many followers of this blog because I'm sure I'd sound like a lunatic anyway!!  My journey of finding my abs...hmmm...I really don't know how this joruney is really going to turn out?

Friday, February 24, 2012

Does failure really = success?

I SURE HOPE IT DOES!  But that is the question of the day, or could really be the question of my life these days!!  Of course everything seems much more doable when there is something to work towards, like a goal or reward.  I guess that is why we do the reward system with our own kids.  I know I get far better results when there is a reward involved!  So as far as my "reward" goes to get my butt in gear and get in shape, that was going down to Florida...pretty good motivator I'd say!  I was doing pretty good to stay away from sugary treats which are my weakness, even choosing healthier choices to take for snacks or an indulgent treat of some sort, because let's face it: I cannot fathom the thought of traveling and vacationing without some kind of yummy delectible tantalizing my tastebuds, I mean, that's part of the experience, right?! 

Then that dreadful call came that everyone worries about receiving while they're thousands of miles away from home.  It was the beginning of our 3rd day there and that call was to tell me in a hysterical, crying way, that my she, my mom, had opened the washing machine to do a load of laundry only ti find that one of our kitties had been shut inside the day before and had sadly, perished.  I was devastated at the's just an animal, a CAT at that, one might say;  but our animal friends our a part of our family.  Not to mention that I was a long way from home and felt completely helpless as to what I could do over the phone.  My mind, under the stress of the situation, could only gather up the idea to call my awesome neighbor Mandy and tell her what was going on, and to hesitantly ask her if she could go over to my house to see if my mom needed any help, as she was understandably upset!

So I was just sick about the news and realized I woul need to break the tragic news to my boys about the loss of our little Charlie :(  Cameron had, unfortunately, been at home sick that morning so he witnessed the unfolding of the whole situation which I know was extremely upsetting.  My mom doesn't handle stressful situations with poise and grace, so that speaks for itself as to what the tone was at the time this was happening.  I also realize that the kitty we lost (we had taken in 2 sisters, Lucy and Charlie) which was Charlie, was Braxton's little buddy;  he was closest to her and I was dreading having to break the news to him about it.

I was so sick to my stomach that I couldn't even think about eating.  A dieter's DREAM, right??!  I cried myself into a migraine by dinnertime and had hardly had more than a few bites of the lunch I had gotten earlier when Jason had been on a lunch break.  To add to the demeanor of the day, it was cloudy and then ended up raining the rest of the day so I just stayed in bed while Jason was in his meetings, until the time came for me to call my boys and break the sad news to them, myself.  THAT was one of the hardest things I've had to do so far...and like I thought, Braxton took it really hard.  It was so hard to not be able to be there for my boys and just hug them and comfort them over what had happened. 

So getting back home was extremely bittersweet because I didn't want to have to deal with what was awaiting for me.  But I needed to get back so I could be there for my boys during that sad time we would all be going through, and go through it TOGETHER.  Luckily the weather was decent so that I could dig through the grass and into the dirt so we could bury little Charlie...yes, we give our furry family members a proper buriel :) 

But I also noticed I started eating sweets and chocolate in large, dizzying quantities again.  Didn't I just overcome and conquer this aspect about myself, my weakness??!!  But I was so SAD.  So sad about what had happened...I don't deal with loss very well and haven't experienced a lot of it in my life, which is both a good and not-so-good thing because then when LIFE happens, I go into a tailspin of sadness which sets me off into my emotional eating again! 

Not to mention that from the time we got back until literally now, I have been dealing with sick kids and not much sleep...on top off everything else that I have going on in my life to add to my plate!  I'm not feelingsorry for myself (well, maye I am just a LITTLE bit, lol)  but I find that, unfortunately, food gets me through, as pathetic as that is!  But I think I finally get it, I get why people become obese...and unfortunately food comforts for all the wrong reasons.  Gives you that "instant" gratification so that one feels better for the MOMENT.  Then once that wears off, the guilt sets in so what better way to feel better than to repeat the vicious cycle all over again??!  I GET it.  I just wish I could get it without having to go through it over and over again with MYSELF. 

So once again I battle with my cravings and my "addiction" to feel better...shouldn't I just go see a doctor and have him prescribe me some meds to make it all go away??  Forget that I have underlying emotional issues to deal with, we're just told that we need to make these feelings go away; they are not to be addressed, right?  Well, that's a problem in and of itself, and I don't plan on dealing with myself this way.  I suppose I just need to grieve in my own way, and I guess if that means finding comfort in cookie dough, chocolate, or Key Lime Pie Fudge, then SO BE IT!!!  I need to stop beating myself up over these slip-ups and as long as I am aware of it, then I need to be the one to not let it get out of control, as well.  Some doc prescribing me some meds so I don't feel sad anymore isn't how I plan on dealing with falling off of the diet wagon again...and again...and again, no matter how long it takes me to overcome this!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Death by...marathon running?

So in light of how I'm attempting to follow my progress in finding my abs, I came across this article from a natural health newsletter I'm subscribed to.  I will post the link to the newsletter in case you want to dig in and do your own research :)

The worst way to exercise??

Of course the title is what got me interested...wait, isn't ANY kind of exercise supposed to be GOOD for you?  Apparently not...according to some new and very intesting research that has been conducted on a particular form of cardio.  I try to keep myself open-minded because I feel that there is a lot of truth out there that has been obscured according to politics or companies driven by pure greed and the love of $$$.  So I decided to look into this with an open mind as well, and from what I read, I am going to give this a try.  Beats running myself to death being chased by zombies!! LOLAM

Dr. Mercola newsletter

Monday, January 23, 2012

Guilty as charged!

So here I am, back to my blog about finding myself...well, my abs, that is. I feel like the road I'm on to see those abs is going to be a long one. I committed the ultimate crime and designated myself a FREE day where I eat what I want and don't pay to attention to it...that day was Sunday, or course. What better day to eat away at whatever I want and not feel bad about it, right? Seems like every Sunday that comes around, I get insane chocolate cravings that I can't; no wait, scratch that, that I don't CARE to control, so I thought that this day would make the most sense, and then the next day, Monday, would be the day to start being "good" again, right??
WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong, just WRONG! The problem with using Sunday as my free day is that I usually have leftovers of whatever dessert I've put together to quiet my cravings (Yes, leftover, AH-MAZING, I know!) and so what happens on Monday, shitty Monday, why are you just so WRONG yourself?? Well, Monday being a Monday, seems to create this invisible force that shifts me towards those leftover treats and beckons me to take just one little bite; I can handle that, right? One bite. That's it, I can control myself, right? Well, not so much, I'm sorry to say. I made homemade almond joy bars...yes, you heard that right...nothing like the combination of chocolate, coconut and a salty almond to take that craving to a whole new level! So you can imagine that today was a good day, for the almond joy bar, that is. Me, hmmm...well I've had 3 so far (don't worry, they are mini-sized!) But the fact that I told myself I wasn't going to give in, and then do exactly what I told myself I wouldn't do, well is just shameful. What is it about being able to control myself when I'm on a super-strict regimen and not allow that evil little sugar guy to creep into my thoughts, but once I'm off I immediately head over the the edge of the cliff and gladly dive off into chocolatey sugar oblivion?? I don't know what it is, but I intend to find out and disect every possible thought or trigger that sends me over that edge. I suppose that some might say, "don't be so hard on yourself and worry so much about whate you're putting into your mouth", for crying out loud. But I hate not being able to be true to myself and disappointing myself, I really don't get where this comes from. I want to be healthy and love healthy foods; I really don't enjoy eating a lot of carbs, but then you bring in the chocolate and deserts and then its all over!!! What am I trying to fix inside of myself by these 'comfort foods'...because that's what it is all about; whether comforting my feeling sad, feeling stressed (I mean, what word is STRESSED backwards? Yeah, you know it!) and I don't handle stress very well but have plenty of it!! Anyway, I am hoping to be good the rest of the day and learn to forgive myself for slipping up today, which I wasn't planning on, but did nontheless. That's sometimes the hardest part for me to do is forgive myself and keep on keepin' on...but that's what I intend to do until that one fine day when I do find my abs that have been hidden away for so long :) Here is what I'm planning on making for dinner tonight, so let's hope this offsets my slip-up for today, ha!

Here's what's for dinner!  In case you wanted the recipe, here is the link!

                                                     Thai coconut curry shrimp

Friday, January 20, 2012


Well I am in the aftermath of my cleanse and grateful for the 8 pounds and 14 inches I lost in the process. But I feel those naughty little cravings creeping in again!! I knew this was going to happen; I really hoped that somehow I would have gotten over them during my cleansing phase, but who am I kidding??! I've been dealing with these issues far longer than any cleanse is going to do for me. I really think my addiction is a physiological addiction. I feel like my body is controlling my brain and common sense to be able to just say NO!! Then there is the emotional aspect of it...such as being that time of the month and how my moods seem to go south, and all I want is to have me some chocolate to make me feel better :( It becomes quite depressing at times, feeling like this. I mean, it's food that I am trying to deny, not a cancer stick or a bottle of there seems to be a part of me that says, "it's only food, only a little treat", but I know that I will be set off again if I give into that senuous first bite of sweet chocolate. I decided to make me a protein smoothie with my chocolate protein and add this yoplait smoothie berry mix to it so I could feel like I was getting to be able to indulge in something sweet with that hint of did help take that edge of my craving chocolate off a bit. As far as foods other than chocolate go, I went out to dinner last night with my hubby and another couple before we hit a Utah Jazz game. The food was oh-so-good, I could have kept eating, but I knew better, right?? I had their Kobe beef plate with veggies and I could have kept eating until I was stuffed, even though that is definitely counter-productive...good thing I couldn't order seconds!! Eating too much of anything at a meal regardless of how healthy it seems, is going to ruin the results of my hard work. Unless I eat raw fruits and veggies everytime I'm hungry...that seems easy enough, but seriously, who wants to really eat like that?!? I want to taste and experience the flavors of the combination of spices, herbs, sauces, textures, and I suppose it just takes some tweaking to incorporate those in a healthier, lower calorie way. I came across an article from a woman who lost over 100 pounds by changing her diet and adding exercise and I found a link that gave some alternative healthier choices for snacking when you're angry, sad, stressed etc. I want to try and do this to see what happens since I seem to be an emotional eater. Not to mention how much I LOVE food...I don't know how people can practice such self-control when it comes to depriving themselves of all of the delicious, rich foods out there...but then again I guess I wouldn't be writing about this if it wasn't MY problem.